People have said to me that I’m a good mother. Then there was that one time when someone called me a deadbeat mother. There are the things people say about you and then the things you think about yourself.
I have been a mother for almost 20 years. The role has not always been sunshine and rainbows, but I think that’s the mental weight of what I thought it meant to be a mother.
I know it’s a hard day for a lot of people, so I won’t take up too much space talking about it.But I felt like this was worth putting out there…
I feel a weird bubbling up of something big underneath the surface. (Did anyone else just get that one Encanto song in their head?) Anyway, it’s exciting, even though I’m not quite sure what it’s about yet. But it gives me “new beginnings” and “#mondaymotivation” vibes.
It’s like that feeling right before you run a race. When you’re behind the line, lunged down, with your hands in front of you on the ground, and you’re just waiting for the cue to GO!
Not that I’ve ever been in a proper race, but ya know… when you’re all wound up and just ready. The only thing is that I don’t know what I’m ready for. I just know that I can’t wait, so I just need to DO.
As I’m sure many of you can relate, I spent all week looking forward to the weekend. I’ve had a rough go of it recently [as you may recall from my post a few days ago] and I had big plans for some R&R. And then what ends up happening? I GET SICK.
[insert The Bachelor chick “ugh” GIF again] Like, seriously?
While I was pregnant with Caroline, Collin and I found out that we had to move; the owners of the house we had been renting wanted to sell. Even though the thought of rental hunting at eight months pregnant made me a nervous wreck, it would end up being a cosmic blessing.
Let’s just say that our landlords had not really been interested in being landlords, so to be free of them was a great relief. We also ended up finding a place for a lower monthly rent and in the most perfect location near my older kids’ schools.
The new home was A LOT smaller, though, so it would really force us to start paring down. At the time, I was reading Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up at the suggestion of a few friends.
The book’s philosophy on decluttering helped us go from shelves upon shelves of books to just the essentials (You’re welcome The Last Bookstore). We figured that if we REALLY wanted to read one of our books again, we could check it out of the library. (Did you know they still have those?!)
Ever since Jillie crossed over into teendom, I’m either shocked, dismayed, angry, sad, impressed, proud, confused, “seriously?” or “wait, what?” For me, this has absolutely been one of the most challenging periods of parenthood thus far.
The mood swings, the attitude, the back talk, the disrespectful language, the terrible decisions, the doing dumb stuff…
And Elliott is only four months shy of entering this stage of life. But I guess this is growing up. (Cue Blink-182)