People have said to me that I’m a good mother. Then there was that one time when someone called me a deadbeat mother. There are the things people say about you and then the things you think about yourself.
I have been a mother for almost 20 years. The role has not always been sunshine and rainbows, but I think that’s the mental weight of what I thought it meant to be a mother.
I know it’s a hard day for a lot of people, so I won’t take up too much space talking about it. But I felt like this was worth putting out there…
Obviously, how we take on the role of parent is so much of what we have seen, heard, and learned from our own childhood, both in our homes and onscreen. Maybe we imagine it’ll feel or look a certain way and then, in reality, none of it does.
It hasn’t been easy. But I can honestly say that it’s the one thing that has been my underlying why for more than half my life. While I have gone through many stages and phases of motherhood, and will continue to do so, these kids have always been my reason for getting up in the morning and making tough decisions—in the roughest times and even the seemingly unrelated times.
Sometimes I hear that parenthood is a sacrifice. It’s not. It’s just a catalyst for evolution. You never “lose yourself” in becoming a parent—another thing I hear often; you evolve into a new version of yourself. And it’s absolutely beautiful. Even in the ugliness.
All that to say… I’ve learned a lot and unlearned a lot. I’m still doing both 19 years later. Continuing to evolve and refresh what it means to be a mother for me. Always with them as my why.