I feel a weird bubbling up of something big underneath the surface. (Did anyone else just get that one Encanto song in their head?) Anyway, it’s exciting, even though I’m not quite sure what it’s about yet. But it gives me “new beginnings” and “#mondaymotivation” vibes.
It’s like that feeling right before you run a race. When you’re behind the line, lunged down, with your hands in front of you on the ground, and you’re just waiting for the cue to GO!
Not that I’ve ever been in a proper race, but ya know… when you’re all wound up and just ready. The only thing is that I don’t know what I’m ready for. I just know that I can’t wait, so I just need to DO.
Does that make sense?
I would say that it’s similar to feeling antsy, but it’s not a nervous energy. It’s like my whole life is about to change… in a good way.
Or maybe it already has.
To be honest, I feel like there’s been a shift. My perspective has changed a bit with regard to how I’m living my life. And that does energize me. But at the same time, I can tell that I’m still carrying around some dead weight—that self-sabotaging, lazy, comfortable, “never enough time” kind of weight.
I keep thinking that if I just start from a clean slate (read: tidy/minimalesque home), then I’d be rid of whatever’s holding me back. And maybe that’s true…
But I’d never know because I have a three-year-old who dumps toys out like I’m paying him in candy to do it. If you’re a parent or a caretaker, I know you know what I’m talking about it. You put the toys away, turn around for a second, and they’re back on the floor!
I’d applaud the toddler as if he just performed a magic trick, but where’s the finesse? There’s no subtlety to it at all. When your back is turned, you hear the crash and suddenly there’s more damage to your mental state than the living room.
Adding insult to [literal] injury, I either pulled a muscle or pinched a nerve in my lower back/hip area on my right side.
They say that when you get sick or part of your body hurts, it’s a sign that something is out of alignment in your life… that you’ve missed all of the other signs from the Universe and, in a last ditch effort to get you to listen, the Universe slaps you in the face to wake you up.
I’m on Day 3 of this pain, and it actually feels worse today. What is it that I’m missing?
Whatever it is that I need to know… I’m ready. I’m ready to hear what I’ve been ignoring. Please show me the answer. I’m ready.
P.S. It’d be a lot easier to fix my ish if I didn’t have debilitating pain in my back every time I tried to move… just sayin’. 😬