a journal entry…

12.28.22 10:55 a.m. (and updated 01.29.22 12:47 p.m.)

Yesterday, the sun came out for what seemed like the first time in weeks. It melted most (if not all) of the snow around our house. There’s something magical about snow—watching it swirl around in the outside air… and getting excited when it actually sticks to the ground. Even though it’s one of those beautiful miracles of nature, I needed that melt yesterday.

I was never really a big fan of cold weather anyway, and even less so now in my postpartum condition.

I was tired of the grey… tired of cold… just tired. I needed the sun, and the healing energy of its warmth.

During my pregnancy (my fifth go-around), I was privileged to have a special session with the lovely Kaila River Skydancer. She offered advice on how to take best take care of myself after having the baby, including the importance and benefits of warmth within the first 40ish days postpartum. It is proven to support the body’s transformation after being pregnant and ultimately ease and quicken the healing process. (This is achieved by eating warming foods, as outlined in an Ayurvedic postparum diet, and keeping the mother’s body and environment warm.)

I had the best of intentions in following an Ayurvedic diet, which included striking coffee from my daily morning routine. But honestly, the first few days destroyed me.

I wasn’t properly prepared.

The hospital had limited meal options that fell under my planned diet. And neither did my house. We didn’t get a chance to stock our kitchen with the ingredients that these recipes required, so I had to make compromises. In trying to balance the diet with what we had at home, I was not honoring myself or receiving the proper nutrients and hydration that I needed.

I was also dealing with other challenges outside of my body—within my home and within my orbit. I was a mess. So, with this one thing, I decided to fold.

When I finally gave myself permission to let go of my perfect postpartum fantasy, I could feel the effects physically. I felt colder from the inside out and began to feel more pain throughout my body, in addition to experiencing more bleeding, nausea, and swelling of my legs, ankles, and feet. I felt sad, defeated, and angry.

I knew better, but did not act better—a theme (maybe habit?) that I’ve noticed too often; I did not set myself up for success. I could feel my healing and recovery slowing down. I could feel my progress backtracking.

The first 1o days after the baby was born were not what I was expecting. (They never are.)

But at least I had my morning cup of coffee back—its warmth between my hands. And with the its reintroduction, my 24/7 headaches and brain fog miraculously disappeared. #thesmallwins

<3 Laura

The sun shining through the clouds. Boise, ID.

Author: thatlaurainsley

current mood: Gratitude. | mama bear | intuitive writing | empath | crystal healing | living intentionally | rainbows | #bemorewithless | @laurainsleywriter | she.her | end scene.

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